


Forgetting

by swilliams1234



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Check the warnings please, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 00:39:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12783120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swilliams1234/pseuds/swilliams1234
Summary: My bad y’all





	Forgetting

It was easy to slip. After she left I just, didn’t have a reason to care. And I feel so much pain all the time and I hate it. I choke on it more than I choke on my puke so. I drink to forget. I drink so that I can feel heat and tingling and nausea instead of feeling like my heart exploded in my chest and the glass-like shards are tearing their way through my stomach. 

They say that the world doesn’t stop turning when someone you love dies but, she was my world so... The thing that really sucks is that I probably would’ve followed her if she hadn’t of made me promise that I would stay. I could be free from all this pain right now, but I made that stupid promise and I could never break the promises I made to her. It’s why I haven’t picked up a needle or found random girls to make me forget for a while only to hate myself in the morning. But she never made me promise to quit drinking, guess she forgot about that one. 

The cancer did that to her, made her forgetful. At first it was things like leaving her phone on the counter when she left the apartment or stopping as she entered a room, wondering what she came in for. Things that were so unlike Alex Danvers. 

But it got worse. 

I hate to admit that it hurt when she forgot my birthday. It’s not her fault. I told myself over and over. I don’t think it was the fact she forgot, more so because it meant she wasn’t getting better. Then she cried so much when Kara reminded her and seeing that hurt worse. 

Sometimes I laugh at myself for thinking I ever knew what pain was. 

Pain is when I wake up and before I open my eyes and remember, I reach over in the bed feeling for her soft body and then realizing. 

Pain is finding the pictures of her that I pulled out of the closet while I was so drunk I blacked out, and having to avert my eyes and stare at the wall while I put them back, unable to look at her but also unable to get rid of them. 

Pain is ignoring Kara’s pleas to get help, saying that, “she wouldn’t want this for me”, and having to fake a scoff and tell her scornfully, “you don’t know what she would’ve wanted. You never knew her at all.” All the while not looking her in the eyes because I know she’s right, and I hate myself for being so awful to her.

Pain is walking to the liquor store, picking up her favorite whiskey, and walking back. 

There’s pain in each drink but it gradually gets better and soon I’m able to focus on other things. Because now that I’m half a bottle in, it takes concentration to pour another glass, to walk to the bathroom, to light a cigarette, to try and make the room stop spinning. 

Eventually I get to a point where I forget. Not about her but what I did while I was drowning myself in the bottle. And I’ll wake up in the floor sometimes and have to crawl to the bathroom to throw up. But that burn hurts less than the burn that I feel where half my soul use to be. So I shower and brush my teeth and put on clean clothes and grab my wallet and go through the motions of getting down the street and getting back. And forgetting.


End file.
